Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Nothing to say

Nothing to say is an odd title for a blog since the whole purpose of a blog is to say something.  However, the 'nothing' part is so true.  The loss for words that would make any kind of impact is overwhelming.  I have spent the last 24 hours trying to imagine where Molly is.  To try to understand the hell she is going through, and how best to help her.  Sadly, there is nothing to do.  Nothing to fix.  Nothing to say that will make it all better.

D came home yesterday for the afternoon, and I could barely let him leave my sight. We didn't do anything except cry, and hug, and pray for our friends.  Reminding each other of the swiftness of life, and the need to appreciate each minute we have.  I quickly stopped trying to understand 'why' as that is just a futile process.  God's plan exists whether I know what it is or not.  I might hate it, think it's stupid, and question all that I believe.  Quite frankly, this is complete bullshit.  To ask one person, one family to endure this journey is unimaginable to me.  This seems like a sucker punch from nowhere, as if they hadn't already been knocked down enough.

It's hard not to go to the horrible dark side of this thing.  As much as I would like to be a nasty pessimist, I can't.  There has been hope here.  The amount of response to this tragedy is astounding.  As I scrolled through my Facebook and Twitter feeds, I couldn't go but even every other post without seeing a post about Matt.  People who knew and loved him, and those who had never met him but had heard his story.  People who will never know each other, but somehow are connected through this.  And I am extremely grateful to my community of people...family, friends, church, random acquaintances...people who know, love and support me, and barely know Matt, Molly and Harper.  The texts, emails, phone calls, responses to posts, etc have been unending.  And this has nothing to do with me.  But know that all of that love is going straight to the Nagel's. Thousands of people are standing with them, and I know that has to be felt.  

While I certainly don't speak for Molly, Harper or the rest of their family, I will for myself.  Thank you for your caring hearts and words.  I know they have to be heard over the resounding silence that is being felt right now.  Please, please keep it up.  These coming days, weeks, months, etc. are going to be devastatingly challenging to say the least.  Your love and support will go so far.

I pretty much hate all things cliche (this happened for a reason, blah blah) but I do love music. This has just been what I have needed the last couple of days.  Listen or don't.

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