Team Grammatikii

She is here! Well, she has been here for a week which seems crazy. I feel like we were just packing up to head to the hospital.  Here is the low down. Sunday night we headed to the hospital.  I was scheduled to start inducing at 8pm.  I was not super crazy about this.  D and I had talked a lot about it, and we had discussed a lot with my doctor. I really wanted her to come on her own, and was trying to stay positive about the induction.  (I also couldn't eat after 4pm on Sunday.  WHAT!)  We started the first round of medicine and my contractions started less than 15 minutes later.  The nurse said a lot of times your body isn't producing enough prostaglandins to get things going, and this medicine will help. Sure enough, it did!  I was excited, hoping that this would get the ball rolling.  Unfortunately, less than an hour later, Layla's heart rate kept dropping.  We had to stop the medicine, and keep an eye on her.  Fortunate...

Yesterday's memorial service for Matt was pretty much overwhelming.  Overwhelmingly full of love.  I have no idea how many people fit in the sanctuary of Heartland Community Church, but if I were to guess I would bet there was about a thousand people there.  If I am way off, ok.  It sure seemed like there were a thousand people there.  I knew that so many people were connected to the Nagel's in one way or another, but it was astonishing to watch that community show up in full force.  And I know there were a lot of people who couldn't be there.  It was oddly peaceful to be in a crowd that size, mostly because it felt like a giant family.  People who had been loving and supporting the Nagel's for so long, most of whom I did not know, and yet sitting with them all seemed normal.  Like a weird, giant group hug. It was such a perfect service...so very much what I have in my head of Matt.  (Side note:  I did NOT know Matt well.  I...

Nothing to say is an odd title for a blog since the whole purpose of a blog is to say something.  However, the 'nothing' part is so true.  The loss for words that would make any kind of impact is overwhelming.  I have spent the last 24 hours trying to imagine where Molly is.  To try to understand the hell she is going through, and how best to help her.  Sadly, there is nothing to do.  Nothing to fix.  Nothing to say that will make it all better. D came home yesterday for the afternoon, and I could barely let him leave my sight. We didn't do anything except cry, and hug, and pray for our friends.  Reminding each other of the swiftness of life, and the need to appreciate each minute we have.  I quickly stopped trying to understand 'why' as that is just a futile process.  God's plan exists whether I know what it is or not.  I might hate it, think it's stupid, and question all that I believe.  Quite frankly, this is complete ...

This is not about me or Gretel.  She isn't here yet. This is about my friends Matt, Molly and Harper Nagel. Over the past 3 years they have been through some horrendous shit.  Sorry, there just isn't a better word.  Last year it all culminated with losing their adoption battle for their daughter, and having to give her up after loving her for two and a half years. Yesterday, Matt suffered a massive stroke at the age of 35.  His condition isn't great.  More info can be found at his Caring Bridge link below.  Please, please pray for them.  In whatever capacity that might be.  It's hard to understand 'why' this morning, I got to wake up next to my husband, and feel him pat our unborn daughter and enjoy our quiet time this morning.  But Molly hasn't slept.  I doubt she has eaten much or left her husbands side while he lays in the hospital or spent time with Harper during all of this.  I spent time this morning trying to understand....